Electric Picnic is one of the highlights of the musical calender in Ireland for many, including myself. On most of my 7 visits to the Picnic, it has even been better than Christmas. And I’m a huge fan of both Jesus and his birthday, by the way. Every once in a while though, the organisers throw us a curve ball. An act that seems out of place. And by out of place, I mean absolutely shit. In 2005 there was James Blunt. He may be one funny bastard on Twitter, but his music is woeful. Then in 2012, The Killers were added as headliners, something that festival founder John Reynolds hinted he wasn’t too pleased about either. So this year, amid the news that Mark McCabe and The Vengaboys have been added to Leccie Piccie’s otherwise excellent line up, I thought this would be as good a time as any to remind ourselves why Mark McCabe’s “Maniac 2000” is one of the worst songs ever released. Possibly even the worst song of all time. Don’t get me wrong, The Vengaboys are rubbish too, but McCabe took things to another level with his one (s)hit wonder. Here’s 6 reasons why:
6. Shit Beat
It honestly sounds like the sort of terrible beat that a 14 year old could toss off after about 15 minutes pissing about on Dance eJay. Lame beat, lazy drum fills. And the rest of the song doesn’t redeem it whatsoever.
5. Shit melody
Awful synthesizers and horrible keyboards permeate the song. It’s like McCabe is trying to emulate early Prodigy, in a way. That sort of early 90’s happy hardcore dance kind of sound. Except in this case, it sounds repetitive, and incredibly irritating. There’s millions of songs that get away with a basic 3 chord structure. This is not one of them.
4. Yeah Yeah Funky Yeah
How about no, no, fucking no, dickhead.
Mind you, I’d take Britney over Mark McCabe any day
3. Oggy Oggy Oggy, Oi Oi Oi!
Another irritating, bloody stupid, lame DJ call and response, it’s something you hear far too often, even now. Even over songs that aren’t Maniac 2000.
2. Irritating Shouting
Okay, I’ve heard bad rapping before. I’ve heard awful rapping in fact. Jedward, for example. McCabe is probably the worst, most hateful rapper I’ve ever heard though. And that’s saying something in a world where Vanilla Ice was inexplicably successful.
1. It Refuses to Die
Seriously, it never ever seems to go away. I was in the function room of a local pub around a year or so ago, with a 21st going on. The DJ actually proceeded to play a karaoke version of Maniac 2000 and sing the lyrics over the PA himself. It didn’t help that I was sober. Then again, no matter how drunk I am, there are no beer ear-goggles to make this stupid song any less unbearable. It’s so un-killable, that it even went to number 1 on the Irish iTunes charts again this year, since it’s the 15th anniversary. When McCabe takes to the stage at the Picnic in a few weeks time, you’ll see me darting, Roadrunner style in the opposite direction in a cloud of smoke. I would rather get trapped upside-down in a portaloo, than hear this unadulterated bollocks in a live setting.