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Hamburgers n’Heroin’s Guide to Glastonbury 2016

Aidan Ralph
Jun 16 2016,10:00 am
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Glastonbury-Festival1

With just under a week to go until 135,000 people descend on Worthy Farm, we’ve decided to take a closer look at some of the acts and areas to check out over the course of the 5 day festival.  We briefly considered doing a synopsis on each of the 70-odd acts from the initial poster, but that would have resulted in a ludicrous 50 page article à la Consequence of Sound, so we quickly came to our senses and scrapped that stupid idea. Instead, we’ve trawled through the thousands (!) of performances over the festival’s timetable and cherry picked 32 of our favourite acts to recommend checking out. Additionally, we’ve taken a look at 10 of the most intriguing and wonderful areas to make it your business to try and attend at some point during the festivities. And if you’re not lucky enough to be going, fear not: The BBC coverage is now so ludicrously extensive that you’ll be able to check out a pretty large cross section of the artists mentioned below right from the comfort of your own living room. Two Spotify playlists are included at the end of the page.

Acts:

The Headliners

Generally speaking, there’s usually at least one of the three headliners at Glastonbury every year that I wouldn’t care for too much; Mumford and Sons in 2013 and Kasabian in 2014 for example. This year though, I wouldn’t actually be all that elated about seeing any of the three closing acts for the Pyramid stage. Granted, Muse, Adele and Coldplay have all made songs and/or albums that I have enjoyed, but there are other far more tantalising acts on other stages during the headline hours of the weekend. Still, since there have been many legendary headline performances over the years for good and bad reasons, it still may be well worth taking a look at the closing acts on Glastonbury’s main stage. Muse and Coldplay always deliver a spellbinding performance, while Adele will be making her debut visit to Pilton this year. She may be one of the biggest selling acts in the world right now, but can she pull off a captivating headline performance at the biggest festival in the world? One can only hope.

LCD Soundsystem

Who are they?

LCD Soundsystem are a New York based dance rock outfit. After announcing their surprise reunion in January of this year following a 5 year absence, lead singer and driving force of LCD James Murphy has promised that “every show has to be better than the best show we’ve played before.” On the strength of their Coachella set, it looks like the band are upholding Murphy’s promise, sounding tighter and more invigorated than ever before.

Who do they sound like?

The Rapture, Hot Chip, !!!

PJ Harvey

Who are they?

Legendary English alt-rock singer-songwriter, active since 1988. She is also the only artist to win the coveted Mercury Music Prize on two occasions.

Who do they sound like?

Cat Power, Nick Cave, Kate Bush

The Apples

Who are they?

An Israeli jazz-funk group, formed in 2002.

Who do they sound like?

Speedometer, Breakestra, The Haggis Horns

Tiga

Who are they?

Electro and tech-house DJ & singer hailing from Canada.

Who do they sound like?

Simian Mobile Disco, Felix Da Housecat, Vitalic

Damon Albarn & The Syrian National Orchestra

Who are they?

British national treasure, who has fronted the likes of Blur and Gorillaz…joined by The Syrian National Orchestra. It’s hard to know what to expect from Damon at a show like this. The last gig of its ilk that got a lot of press coverage involved a five hour Africa Express show, which ended in Albarn being carried off stage by security when he refused to stop playing. Special guests on the day could be anyone from Graham Coxon to Noel Gallagher. It’s also worth noting that Damon may quite possibly be the only artist to open and close the Pyramid stage: As the opening act with Africa express this year and closing act with Blur in 2009.

Who do they sound like?

Blur, Gorillaz, Africa Express

Ezra Furman

Who are they?

Indie singer-songwriter from Chicago, Illinois.

Who do they sound like?

Courtney Barnett, Father John Misty, Bill Ryder-Jones

Simian Mobile Disco (DJ Set)

Who are they?

Electro-house duo, hailing from London.

Who do they sound like?

Digitalism, Tiga, Justice

Alabama 3 (DJ Set)

Who are they?

Acid house band hailing from Brixton, formed in 1996.

Who do they sound like?

Primal Scream, Cornershop, Gomez

Savages

Who are they?

Noise rock outfit from London, forming in 2011.

Who do they sound like?

Parquet Courts, DIIV, Suuns

Disclosure

Who are they?

English electronic duo, consisting of brothers Guy and Howard Lawrence.

Who do they sound like?

SBTRKT, Joy Orbison, Mount Kimbie

Sigur Rós

Who are they?

Icelandic post-rock outfit, formed in 1994.

Who do they sound like?

múm, The Album Leaf, Explosions in the Sky

Four Tet

Who are they?

Four Tet is the moniker of Kieran Hebden, an electronic and trip hop artist from London, active since 1998.

Who do they sound like?

Caribou, Boards of Canada, Aphex Twin

Squeeze

Who are they?

New wave group from London, formed in 1974.

Who do they sound like?

The Jam, Blondie, Roxy Music

Guy Garvey

Who are they?

Lead singer from English indie group Elbow, active since 1990.

Who do they sound like?

Elbow, Doves, I Am Kloot

Madness

Who are they?

Legendary ska-punk group hailing from Camden, England.

Who do they sound like?

The Specials, Bad Manners, The Style Council

John Grant

Who are they?

Alt-rock and electro-rock solo artist, hailing from Michigan, USA.

Who do they sound like?

The Czars, Steve Mason, Anna Calvi

Fatboy Slim

Who are they?

Legendary English big beat DJ and producer, active since 1979.

Who do they sound like?

The Chemical Brothers, The Prodigy, Basement Jaxx

The Last Shadow Puppets

Who are they?

Supergroup fronted by Arctic Monkeys singer Alex Turner & solo artist Miles Kane.

Who do they sound like?

Arctic Monkeys, Miles Kane, The Maccabees

Tame Impala

Who are they?

Australian psychedelic musical project of Kevin Parker.

Who do they sound like?

Grizzly Bear, Deerhunter, Warpaint

Mercury Rev

Who are they?

Alt-rock group from Buffalo, New York, formed in 1989.

Who do they sound like?

Super Furry Animals, The Beta Band, Teenage Fanclub

New Order

Who are they?

An English new wave and synth-pop group, formed from the ashes of Joy Division in 1980.

Who do they sound like?

Joy Division, Echo & the Bunnymen, Depeche Mode

Earth, Wind and Fire

Who are they?

Infamous disco outfit, formed in Chicago in 1971.

Who do they sound like?

Kool & The Gang, Commodores, Chaka Khan

Hinds

Who are they?

Spanish low-fi indie rock group, formed in 2011.

Who do they sound like?

Alvvays, Sunflower Beam, Girlpool

Grimes

Who are they?

Canadian electronica and synth-pop solo artist, active since 2009.

Who do they sound like?

Purity Ring, Twin Shadow, Zola Jesus

Rejjie Snow

Who are they?

Irish rapper, releasing his first EP in 2013.

Who do they sound like?

Bishop Nehru, Mick Jenkins, Hawk House

Nathaniel Rateliff & The Night Sweats

Who are they?

Soulful R&B combo, formed in Colorado in 2013.

Who do they sound like?

Houndmouth, Barns Courtney, Shakey Graves

Beck

Who are they?

The chameleon of modern rock, Beck has been making music since 1985.

Who do they sound like?

The Flaming Lips, Eels, Ween

Stereo MC’s

Who are they?

British hip-hop and electro group, formed in 1985.

Who do they sound like?

Propellerheads, Moloko, Groove Armada

Hot Chip (DJ Set)

Who are they?

Alternative indie-dance group from London, formed in 2000. For this years festival, they’ll be performing a special DJ set, dedicated to Prince.

Who do they sound like?

Cut Copy, LCD Soundsystem, The Rapture

Areas: 

The Rabbit Hole

The Rabbit Hole is an underground stage located somewhere in the area of The Park stage. For reals.

“You’ll find us where the rabbits burrow and people love to play, surrounded by the Borogroves, beneath the tower of May.”

Fair enough, so!

The Rabbit Hole

The Pussy Parlure

A stage sorely missed from Electric Picnic, The Pussy Parlure serves beer and a damn fine selection of cocktails, all with a packed line up of acts to entertain you while you’re there. Make sure to catch DJ Yoda‘s Friday night slot. One of the finest hip-hop acts you’re likely to catch over the weekend.The Pussy Parlure

Pilton Palais Cinema

It may seem silly to suggest catching a movie at a music and arts festival but…they’re showing Finding Dory a full month before it gets released in cinemas around the UK and Ireland. Also, another area now sadly absent from Electric Picnic to while away the downtime between music acts is the Cinema Tent, so it’s a fine option to have at Glastonbury when you’re in the mood.

Pilton Palais Cinema

Arcadia

If there’s a nightclub in the world of Mad Max (and there’s every possibly that there could be – that movie trilogy is still on my to do list) Arcadia may very well be it. A mechanical spider-like setup, flames everywhere and banging tunes can make this the perfect way to round off your night.

Arcadia

Professor Panic’s Puppet Arena

I imagine you’re sceptical about bothering your arse wandering into the kids area unless of course you actually have children, but to that I say the following: “Gayton Boyer’s Dinosaurs the Universe and Everything – A Love Story.” Yes please, I’ll be having that.

Puppets

NYC Downlow

Emerging in 2007 as the UK’s first LGBT+ festival destination, there’s a mandatory moustache purchase upon entry in aid of charity. The area is made up to resemble NYC’s meatpacking district and will feature choice sets from Honey Soundsystem and Eats Everything.

NYC Downlow

The Beat Hotel

“American pancakes, the real kind of coffee and Bloody Marys” – and fucking awesome DJ’s.

Beat Hotel

The Pyramid Stage

With so much of the aforementioned areas and acts on offer, it’s probably easy to actually overlook the Pyramid stage. You should definitely put in the effort to hit at least one of the artists on the main stage of the festival though, whether it’s ELO’s legend slot on the Sunday, the headline act of the night, or Damon Albarn’s aforementioned Africa Express show at 11am on Friday morning.

Pyramid

Theatre & Circus

The Theatre & Circus area boasts acrobatics, hypnotists and a whole plethora of street performances across the weekend, for something different from the more conventional musical acts across the rest of the site.

Theatre & Circus

The Glade

If you’ve been to and loved the forest at Electric Picnic after hours, it looks like The Glade may be the place to top off your evening, before the inevitable power nap to ready you for the next day of the festival. “Half in the trees and half out” the area boasts some of the finest electronic music you can find at Glastonbury, bringing sets from the like of Carl Cox.

Dancers amongst the Tribe of Frogs decor by the Origin Stage at Glade Festival 2006

Playlist featuring 3 songs from each of the artists mentioned above:

Playlist featuring one song from each artist from the original poster:

filed under: Music

Tags: Concert, Festival, Gig, Glastonbury, Indie Rock, Music, Punk Rock, Rock

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