The prospect of playing in the MLS for over the hill players is too good an opportunity to turn down due to the ‘high quality of the leagues football, it’s history and it’s love of the game’. David Beckham was one of the first high profile names to make the transition from the European leagues to the Scrooge McDuck gold plated gold posts of the MLS. Excerpts of press conferences below from recent recruits Frank Lampard and Steven Gerrard reflect how their passion for football and search for a new challenge were decisive factors in coming to America.

Frank Lampard

“It was an easy decision for me really. As my salary reflects I’ve come here to win. ever since they put that cheque in front of me I realized I was fitter than ever and certainly had a few years of those wages left in me. Given the high standard of the facilities and the top notch tottie, it was a no-brainer. So, this is an exciting time for me and I hope to show the fans just how well I can spend my endless bank and, you never know, maybe play some football in between”.

Steven Gerrard

“Firstly I’d like to thank the chairman of LA Galaxy for rescuing me away from the didactic waffle of Brendan Rodgers. I loved every minute of playing for Liverpool Football Club but I knew it was time to leave when Brendan kept me up one night to dissect the tactical nuances of snakes and ladders. To be fair, Brendan is an outstanding player at the game. One night we were tied at 16 all; best of 33. I was on 98 and only needed a two on the dice but got a one, which landed me on a poxy snake, making me slide all the way down to the bottom of the board. Being that close to the title and seeing it all fall away never leaves ya. I still get flashbacks of that costly slip and I don’t need to tell anyone which game one of those flashbacks came back to haunt me the most. It was then I said I would never play snakes and ladders or indeed football for that man again”.

Gerrard went on to state that “Since I’ve come here to the MLS, I’ve had a wonderful reception off my team-mates and the supporters and more importantly my wife’s bank book. I think the future is bright for American soccer. You see so many great players now coming over here and I want to show the fans how their hard earned Benjamin Franklin’s earns me upwards of six million a year for kicking a ball around a well kept lawn”.

Didier Drogba has also followed the likes of Steven Gerrard and Frank Lampard to the MLS in America. Drogba is the Ivory Coast’s all-time top scorer, with 65 goals in 105 international appearances. He wrote his name into Chelsea folklore when he lifted the club’s first European Cup and subsequently high tailed it out of Asia when he mistaked o’s for zero’s on his pay-slip. Drogba’s recent signing shows the mark of a man who absolutely adores football and what it means to him and his family. Montreal president Joey Saputo said the signing made it “one of the biggest (and most expensive) days in club history”. “It’s an honour to welcome Didier Drogba to the Impact”. “From the first conversation I had with him, I felt that he really wanted to play in Montreal”.

“Ya damn right mutha-fucka, Drogba replied, I am going to bask in the sweet smell of the minty green fields of Montre-fuckin’al. They call me Mr. Boombastic, semi fantastic.”

These players are a credit to their sport and nowhere is it more clearly show than in the table below.

Top 15 MLS player salaries in 2015:

1. Kaka, Orlando City: $7.16 million
2. Sebastian Giovinco, Toronto FC: $7.11 million
3. Michael Bradley, Toronto FC: $6.5 million
4. Steven Gerrard, L.A. Galaxy: $6.33 million
5. Frank Lampard, New York City FC: $6 million
6. David Villa, New York City FC: $5.61 million
7. Jozy Altidore, Toronto FC: $4.75 million
8. Clint Dempsey, Seattle Sounders: $4.6 million
9. Robbie Keane, L.A. Galaxy: $4.5 million
10. Giovani Dos Santos, L.A. Galaxy: $4.1 million
11. Jermaine Jones, New England Revolution: $3.05 million
12. Obafemi Martins, Seattle Sounders: $3 million
13. Andrea Pirlo, New York City FC: $2.31 million
14. Shaun Maloney, Chicago Fire: $1.58 million
15. Omar Gonzalez, L.A. Galaxy: $1.45 million

PS. Players refused to comment when asked how much money was a factor in their decision to swan around America whilst many have dropped dead when reading the salary of Shaun Maloney.